Heels, Thongs, and Condoms: A Survival Guide For the Freshly Single Women

Alright, I know I have talked about relationships before and being single, but this blog is not about me. It is about my newly single roommate, Sarah. This blog contains an overview of Sarah’s relationship to her now ex, John and the advice her older sister, Nita,  gave to help her little sis get over a rough breakup.

I don’t even know where to begin when talking about Sarah and John’s relationship from my point of view because frankly, I thought the relationship was pretty much doomed from the start. In the beginning of the year, Sarah was in a long distance relationship with her bf back home, Kevin. They had been dating for about 2 years now and things were not going too well. Kevin was a liar and a cheater, but mostly a liar….a horrible one. Let’s just say the relationship ended when Kevin decided that drugs were more important than his 2 year relationship with Sarah.

The day after Kevin and Sarah broke up, Sarah and I decided that we needed to get drunk and have a good night so she could forget about her asshole of an ex. Well, one thing led to another and we ended up at Mi Ranchitos (that sketchy Mexican bar on Atwood).  While we were there, I spotted my friend Jeff. Jeff was having a guys night with his two buddies Evan and John. As the night rolled into the wee hours of the morning, I had realized that Sarah had made her rounds. She not only hooked up with Jeff, but also with Evan and finally with John. Wanting to go home with Jeff, Sarah ended up spending the night with his roomie John.

As you can probably guess by my intro, John and Sarah began to see each other more often, after their one night stand, and feelings began to grow. Sarah is an extreme romantic, while John is the more reserved romantic. Oh, by the way, let me just add that both Sarah and John were both coming out of long distance, long term relationships. Sarah’s ex, Kevin, was an asshole (as i mentioned before) and John’s ex, Emma, was the  psycho, untrustworthy bitch. Anyways, John and Sarah decided to continually “date” throughout the rest of the year (even though I thought they both should have not rushed into another relationship. Did they listen? Oh God, of course not.)

What really bothered me was how invested Sarah was in the relationship, and how little John seemed to notice. When John had hard tests to study for or stressful days, Sarah would be the sweet “gf” and bring him hot cups of coffee to his room and gave relaxing massages to ease his stress. Also, Sarah would plan cute picnics at Schenley Park (made sandwiches for him and everything!) and John wouldn’t answer his phone when the time came for them to be enjoying their picnic on the lawn. Now, you know what even bothered me more? Sarah and I would have “girls night out” one day of the weekend, yet John would always just  “stop by” when we were pre-gaming and would ask to come out with us in a discreet way. Obviously, Sarah wanted him to come out with us, leaving me annoyed that John always weaseled his way into “girls night”.

John and Sarah had many ups and downs in their relationship (like most college couples do), but last week, John broke up with Sarah out of the blue saying he just couldn’t “trust” her…making Sarah seem like she was an untrustworthy person, which she definitely isn’t. I mean, she’s sure as hell ain’t Emma!

As horrible as this sounds, I was kinda happy when they broke up because 1.) I don’t like John as a boyfriend for Sarah and 2.) I know Sarah can do SO much better. Nita (Sarah’s older sister) agreed with me and gave her little sister the best advice I’ve ever heard when getting over a break up. She said,” Sarah, what  you need to do now is go buy some sexy lingerie, a new pair of heels, and use condoms discreetly….be a happy smut!” (A smut is a classy form of a slut, haha).  In conclusion, the best way to get over a guy is well, to have fun and realize that there is always someone else out there just waiting to sweep you off your feet!

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Damn, Didn’t Know Us Women Were So Lucky!

So, I was just flipping through the new Cosmo magazine on my desk and realized…us women can do some crazy shit with our makeup, hair, bodies, and literally everything else! I never noticed how detailed Cosmo gets when showing women what they can and cannot do. For example:  we can paint our nails crazy colors, braid our hair and stick ribbon in it, put jewels and glitter all over our eyes, and wear sheer lacy tops.  So I pose this question…do you men out there ever get jealous that your counterpart gender can do so much with their fashion and appearance? Do you wish guy magazines showed you how to do you hair all fancy and dress all suave?

I’ll be more specific and give you 2 other examples I found when reading Cosmo that make us women so lucky to be able to be so creative!

1.  Women, want to try “5 Ballsy New Trends”? Well, pick up the Cosmo issue with Megan Fox on the cover and flip to page 66. Here, you can see that wearing a blazer with your cut off shorts is effortlessly sexy, yet fresh.  Also, start rocking jewelery arund your waist! A gold or silver long necklace around that spirng dress of yours would be a super cute touch. Not big into looking all girly? Another new ballsy trend is literally cross-dressing. Wearing a boyish button up with a tight leather skirt is “insanely hot”. Hey men, you jealous yet that we just flip open a magazine and already know the newest trends without even shopping?

2.  Now, in the same issue, turn to page 86.  The article title is “7 Minutes in Heaven”. No, it’s not talking about that kissing game in the closest, it’s about what women can do to experience a “sinfully blissed-out shower”. Cosmo recommends products such as Chanel Foaming Shower Gel, exotic body scrubs, electric loofahs, pore cleansers, hair oil, etc. Damn, who knew there’d be so many products for women to have an awesome shower? Men, do you wish you had these extras for your shower?

“Shoulda Put A Ring On It”

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Alright, here is something that I would really like to talk about and touch upon. This whole “double edge sword” power that us women supposedly “take advantage” of from what men say. As a single woman, I obviously wanna do what I want while being young in college. Yes, I wanna meet a lot of new guy friends and flirt, but does that automatically make me some type of whore? Whatever people say about this is just utter bull crap. What I hate is that guys get all mad when girls hang out with them and then hang out with other guys too….excuse me, but am I your girlfriend? No, and therefore I can do what I want. Now, if we are more than friends then yeah I am going to respect you and not flirt as much. Am I going to remain completely loyal to you? Again no, nothing is official yet. So boys, don’t get mad when us girls are into you and also may be into someone else too….just listen to  the words of the lovely Beyoncé: “if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it.”

                You know what I think is funny regarding this topic? When women get mad when guys do the exact same thing. Here is where the “double edge sword” plays in.  Girls hate it (or at least I hate it) when guys were talking to all of the sudden is talking the same way to like 3 other girls. I should be the only girl you are interested in! Unless, you think I ‘m not good enough? Well, whatever the reason is, we girls make it unfair for guys to “stray” even though we have no right to talk.  It’s just what our genders do to each other. Girls and guys think so differently on this topic, when really it should be taken equally on both sides. Do I think it ever will? Ha! No, who are you kidding?

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